New Addition

The great thing about life is no matter how much you think you know there is always more to learn. I love meeting new people because each new person I meet all have experiences that I have never had and with those experiences I get ideas. Yesterday I was speaking with some women who have been traveling; some were within the United States, others to the rest of the world. I think I'd like to hit some of the states. When I was a child we use to go on family vacations and my parents would introduce us to the world around us. I think as an adult I'd love to see what beauty our country has to offer. Therefore, I have a new addition to my list. Once a year at least I'd like to take some time to travel to another state.
Another fun thing to save for.

Addendum

On my last blog, Just Rambling I stated that "...on Friday I will probably be wearing a smile...". Well, today is Friday and I am still indifferent. Here's the problem with this indifference, I am choosing to be indifferent. I don't want to move forward or step back and I think it's a terrible place to be. I know what needs to be done, yet I don't do it. Some would say it's just me being stubborn and I think they would be right. I am finding it easier to be indifferent than to follow through with what might actually need to be done. I don't want to deal with it. I know in the long run this indifference, my path of least resistance for the moment, will cause much more resistance and heartache than if I do what needs to be done in the present.

Also, my tongue hurts because of the Glade Plug-in incident of 95'. Stupid allergy.

Also, I just learned that Jaime Fox is responsible for the over-played, over-rated song Alcohol.

Also, I am really exhausted. I can't wait for tonight. I don't have any plans besides getting my hair done so I'm going to crash. My phone will be off and I will crawl into bed, finishing reading my play for school, and slip off to dreamland.

So about this indifference, I don't know what to do about it. It feels as though I am wearing cement shoes on the sidewalk. I can look up the street and see one thing, then I look down the street and see another. It's annoying to me not to take a step, yet I feel as though the shoes are too heavy. When in reality they're just little black flip-flops purchased from Target.

JUST RAMBLING

I think it's interesting how life changes course so quickly. My world is so different from last week and entirely different from last month. I can't say which is better or which is worse. The ideas I had last month have evolved into this months actions. People who were in my life last month have disappeared, but they have left me with new ideas and thoughts. I do believe we meet people for a reason. I cannot say how long it is intended for them to be in our lives, but the marks they make will last a lifetime. I figure things rarely work out as I plan; and thank goodness for that. If everything went to how I planned I would be missing out on so much. I don't like heartache, rejection, confrontation, or sadness; however, those are necessary steps to be made while becoming the person I'm suppose to be. Out of trials, strength and confidence grows.

Today I am indifferent. I am the observer of my life; taking notes and paying attention to what's going on. Noticing the words and actions of those around me and watching the affect they have on my life. I find myself not wanting to laugh or cry, I just am. It's a weird place for me, I don't typically get here. I know that on Friday I'll be somewhere altogether different; probably wearing a smile. Today however, I will relish in the indifference and learn what I can from these moments.

Puzzling Puzzle Piece

You look at the box it states 1000 pieces. The picture is beautiful and serene; the place you've always wanted to visit and know you'd never want to leave. This puzzle is perfect, exactly what you've always wanted. You open the box and dump all the pieces out on the table, turning them right side up, and you separate them by color and shape. Then you prop the lid of the box up so you can begin. Always start with the edge pieces because those are the easiest to put together; anybody can do that!! As the puzzle progresses there is one area you want to work on because in your mind it is the most important portion of the puzzle. You grab a piece that matches in color and shape, you know that piece has to fit. It's perfect for the spot. You place it in the void and it doesn't fit so you turn it, again doesn't fit. "But I know it's right", you think to yourself. It's the right colors and the shape is perfect. You pick it up and look at it. Again you place it in the void this time a little more forcefully. You crinkle your brow and cock your head to the right, "hmmm" you think to yourself. As if reverting back to childhood you place the palm of your hand over the piece and push with all your might. As you pull your hand away you see that it just doesn't fit. The perfect piece cannot be crammed into the spot where it doesn't belong. Feeling defeated you take the piece out and place it to the side glancing at it every once in a while with disdain. You decide to focus on another part of the puzzle one that is easier with more distinguishable differences and pieces. With each piece placed in the proper spot the picture becomes even more clear. You allow your eyes to dart to the puzzling piece which did not fit where it should have, "where do you belong". As you get near to completing the puzzle everything begins to fall into place. You look at the perfect puzzle piece and finally you see where it belongs. It's the final piece which completes the perfect picture. With a triumphant sigh you pick up the piece, look at it, and place it in the void. Without forcing it, twisting it, or shaking it you place it right where it belongs and it just fits.

Dating Books

I've decided dating books have screwed the dating world up. For those of us who read them we often use the sacred words was if they were a Bible. We follow the letter of the law hoping to find the ever illusive savior who will rescue us from this crazy land called singlehood. For those in the single world who are smart and don't open the How To Find Your Perfect Mate jibberish, the ways of the "readers" are very foreign to them. As if our male and female differences weren't foreign enough, now the women are reading rules on how the perfect man is suppose to act and vice versa. The dating books are security blankets for those of us who strike out constantly at dating. Here's a conversation of the lunacy which perpetuated by the book:

"He's not calling me, what do I do"?
Look it up in the book. Wait three days
"Crap, it's been four days now what?"
Look it up in the book. Drop the guy he's not ready for someone as wonderful as you.
"But I really like him, now what do I do?"
Look it up in the book. Go to your local book store, mope to the self help section, pick the book on self-esteem (preferably by the same author), then stop by 7-11 buy a quart of your favorite Ben and Jerry's, and start over on page 1 (of both books, what a racket).

I think if we singles are to read dating books the men should read the ones written for women and women should read the written for men; therefore, we all will know what the others are expecting. Or I have an even better idea, DON'T READ THEM AT ALL. Here's a concept: be yourself and when the right one comes along he will accept you and you will accept him. He'll call you when he wants and you'll call him. The relationship will naturally flourish without the manual, which is a one size fits all book to depression.

Don't get me wrong I am enjoying being single. I love the freedom, the girl time, the shopping, and the dinners. What I don't like is going out on dates with men who are more interested in watching my chest and talking about themselves than to bother to find out who I am. Oh, or the man who manipulates and tries to wiggle his way into places where he shouldn't be. Here's an even better one, the one who's slightly interesting but have absolutely nothing to offer yet he believes that he has the world by the tail (how do you not role your eyes at that one?)

From the few men that I have had the pleasure of dating I've learned much about who I am, what I stand for, what my limits are, how to assert my boundaries, and happily I've discovered the qualities of the man I'm searching for. It won't take me long to spot him either as I have his picture etched in my brain. No I'm not over picky, no I'm not being absurd. He's out there riding his white horse just waiting for this damsel to cross his path. And I will cross it again; of that I'm certain.

Well, on that note I am going to sleep now hopefully I will sleep soundly and God will bring me peaceful dreams. Thanks for reading my blog. Thanks for thinking I've lost my mind, but continue to love me anyway.

Um What

The moment I begin to think things are finally beginning to fall into place my heart begins to soften, my mind wanders, and I hum a little more. Then POW BANG BOOM back to square one. Eric told me, "expect nothing". How do I do that? I mean it makes sense, if I expect nothing then I can't be disappointed. Yet if I expect nothing then how do I feel anything. I don't expect anyone to do anything for me other than be interested. I want someone to do with me like I want to do with them, which is to take me by the hand and show me everything. Invite me wholeheartedly into their life. Have the walls down. That's how I want to be treated because that's how I would them them. I have so much I want to do for someone, so much I want to say. So much to show them and so much to feed them. I don't need to be attached at the hip, but to just live life together yet have our own lives. I'm not stopping living because I don't have that special someone; because right now I'm my own special someone. There are times I just want someone their. Luckily, I have my dear friends. They like me dragging them all over Southern California.
I just thought it was done, the searching I mean. It's so frustrating. What upsets me so much is that fact that I have the capability of hurting people. This is something I would never do on purpose. It saddens me to think that I do.
I'm feeling so much right now which is why this blog is a jumbled mess. Not really a rhyme or rhythm. Doesn't help that I'm exhausted. I think I'll go to sleep now. I have a busy day which will start bright and early.
Sorry the entertainment factor isn't in this blog today. I guess it's mainly for my benefit.

Still Happy....Yet Human

Let me start this blog with a disclaimer. I am a blessed woman. I am a happy woman. And I am a woman who is fulfilled with family, friends, and the aspiration of finding true love.

Today is Friday, the last day of a very tiring week. Homework was long, school was long, work was long, but rest time was not very long.

I'd like to share what I want to do. I want more than anything to have someone hug me, the biggest hug ever and just let me melt. I don't want a hug where I feel I have to give, I just want to receive. This may sound selfish, but I have wants and needs too. Taking care of grandma is a wonderful way to spend my time; however, it is very thankless. Today, because I am so tired I just want someone to do for me. Cook me a nice little dinner while having a glass of wine, rub my back, let me lean on him while we watch TV, eat ice cream, and then snuggle in bed and fall asleep together all warm, cozy, and at peace with the day. I feel pathetic even writing this, but it's how I feel at this time. I know this feeling will pass as it always does after a hot shower with yummy scented body wash and a good nights rest.