Dating Books

I've decided dating books have screwed the dating world up. For those of us who read them we often use the sacred words was if they were a Bible. We follow the letter of the law hoping to find the ever illusive savior who will rescue us from this crazy land called singlehood. For those in the single world who are smart and don't open the How To Find Your Perfect Mate jibberish, the ways of the "readers" are very foreign to them. As if our male and female differences weren't foreign enough, now the women are reading rules on how the perfect man is suppose to act and vice versa. The dating books are security blankets for those of us who strike out constantly at dating. Here's a conversation of the lunacy which perpetuated by the book:

"He's not calling me, what do I do"?
Look it up in the book. Wait three days
"Crap, it's been four days now what?"
Look it up in the book. Drop the guy he's not ready for someone as wonderful as you.
"But I really like him, now what do I do?"
Look it up in the book. Go to your local book store, mope to the self help section, pick the book on self-esteem (preferably by the same author), then stop by 7-11 buy a quart of your favorite Ben and Jerry's, and start over on page 1 (of both books, what a racket).

I think if we singles are to read dating books the men should read the ones written for women and women should read the written for men; therefore, we all will know what the others are expecting. Or I have an even better idea, DON'T READ THEM AT ALL. Here's a concept: be yourself and when the right one comes along he will accept you and you will accept him. He'll call you when he wants and you'll call him. The relationship will naturally flourish without the manual, which is a one size fits all book to depression.

Don't get me wrong I am enjoying being single. I love the freedom, the girl time, the shopping, and the dinners. What I don't like is going out on dates with men who are more interested in watching my chest and talking about themselves than to bother to find out who I am. Oh, or the man who manipulates and tries to wiggle his way into places where he shouldn't be. Here's an even better one, the one who's slightly interesting but have absolutely nothing to offer yet he believes that he has the world by the tail (how do you not role your eyes at that one?)

From the few men that I have had the pleasure of dating I've learned much about who I am, what I stand for, what my limits are, how to assert my boundaries, and happily I've discovered the qualities of the man I'm searching for. It won't take me long to spot him either as I have his picture etched in my brain. No I'm not over picky, no I'm not being absurd. He's out there riding his white horse just waiting for this damsel to cross his path. And I will cross it again; of that I'm certain.

Well, on that note I am going to sleep now hopefully I will sleep soundly and God will bring me peaceful dreams. Thanks for reading my blog. Thanks for thinking I've lost my mind, but continue to love me anyway.

Um What

The moment I begin to think things are finally beginning to fall into place my heart begins to soften, my mind wanders, and I hum a little more. Then POW BANG BOOM back to square one. Eric told me, "expect nothing". How do I do that? I mean it makes sense, if I expect nothing then I can't be disappointed. Yet if I expect nothing then how do I feel anything. I don't expect anyone to do anything for me other than be interested. I want someone to do with me like I want to do with them, which is to take me by the hand and show me everything. Invite me wholeheartedly into their life. Have the walls down. That's how I want to be treated because that's how I would them them. I have so much I want to do for someone, so much I want to say. So much to show them and so much to feed them. I don't need to be attached at the hip, but to just live life together yet have our own lives. I'm not stopping living because I don't have that special someone; because right now I'm my own special someone. There are times I just want someone their. Luckily, I have my dear friends. They like me dragging them all over Southern California.
I just thought it was done, the searching I mean. It's so frustrating. What upsets me so much is that fact that I have the capability of hurting people. This is something I would never do on purpose. It saddens me to think that I do.
I'm feeling so much right now which is why this blog is a jumbled mess. Not really a rhyme or rhythm. Doesn't help that I'm exhausted. I think I'll go to sleep now. I have a busy day which will start bright and early.
Sorry the entertainment factor isn't in this blog today. I guess it's mainly for my benefit.

Still Happy....Yet Human

Let me start this blog with a disclaimer. I am a blessed woman. I am a happy woman. And I am a woman who is fulfilled with family, friends, and the aspiration of finding true love.

Today is Friday, the last day of a very tiring week. Homework was long, school was long, work was long, but rest time was not very long.

I'd like to share what I want to do. I want more than anything to have someone hug me, the biggest hug ever and just let me melt. I don't want a hug where I feel I have to give, I just want to receive. This may sound selfish, but I have wants and needs too. Taking care of grandma is a wonderful way to spend my time; however, it is very thankless. Today, because I am so tired I just want someone to do for me. Cook me a nice little dinner while having a glass of wine, rub my back, let me lean on him while we watch TV, eat ice cream, and then snuggle in bed and fall asleep together all warm, cozy, and at peace with the day. I feel pathetic even writing this, but it's how I feel at this time. I know this feeling will pass as it always does after a hot shower with yummy scented body wash and a good nights rest.

It's About Time

I'm happy; really happy. No pressures, no guilt, no pity; that's all done. I was sitting on the beach this last Saturday watching people, listening to the sounds, and I really decided this spot that I'm in right now is a blessing. I guess it wasn't a decision it was a shift. I'm letting go of the baggage from the past. And I'm ready to slowly embrace the future and whatever it holds.

I like thinking about the many lives I've led. The experiences I've had and the learning opportunities that have cropped up. Each life and opportunity has molded me to take on the life that is set before me; whatever it may hold. Here a deep thought; Life is like a role playing game. I use to watch Jeremy play the games and he'd have to go from character to character and have a conversation with them or buy something off them. With each conversation or new item he would earn experience points. Also each conversation and item helped him get to the next level. I realize life is not a game and the people that enter into our lives are not just pawns to enhance our life. Though I do believe that God allows people go come and go though our life and we have the opportunity to embrace what they have to teach or disregard the experience as a mistake. I've learned so much from the friends both male and female; my family; my dates; my boyfriends; and my loves. Each have played significant roles in helping me appreciate myself, the world, and my future. Each have inspired me to live differently; to live better.

I've watched this evolution of self and recognize it's a process which will continue throughout my life. At this point, I'm looking at my world since I've moved to LA. I am blessed. I've pulled though the toughest part. I am saddened for the casualties along the way and hope that in some way they will feel at least some of the optimism that I hold. I no longer feel like a dove with a broken wing. I feel healed, released from chains. The colors of life that once faded to grey due to the divorce have not come back and they are brighter than ever. It's about time.

What a Feeling

You've heard the expression about the elephant in the room, right? Well, I've been dancing around the elephant in my head. Dealing with things that I didn't want to deal with because it would be too hard, or I'd hurt someones feelings. I am proud to say I am elephant free. I actually feel lighter!! I'm coming to the realization that I am not responsible for how other people respond to me, that is their responsibility. As long as I'm not malicious that is.

Now that I am lighter what am I going to do with myself? Am I going to muck all this beautiful space in my world up with more baby elephants, which will grow into gigantic creatures? No way. I've decided I will only let it what is good and healthy. I will cut my loses and run when my intuition tells me too. I will fight for what needs to be fought for. I will guard myself just enough to ensure my safety. I will make the next man show me he is worthy before I so easily hand over my most precious possession; my heart. Lessons learned, better late than never.

When I was going through my divorce my dear friends kept telling me to be selfish. Do for myself. Find what makes me happy. I thought that was terrible advise, why would I want to be selfish. They didn't mean to be selfish in a negative way; to disregard others. They meant to get in touch with myself. After two years I think I finally get it. They are so right. In May I was starting to take that leap. In December I finally did it. And now, wow! I have new friends, and hobbies that I always wanted to do but just never did. I indulge myself in Mexican food, long walks, massages, weekends with friends, margaritas, and new flip flops. I am confident in myself, but not the extent of being conceited or annoying. I can finally say that I am loving life. I am excited about all the adventures I'm going to embark on. I'm excited about all the people that I haven't met yet. And all the food I'm going to eat.

What a feeling to be able to really breath. To finally inhale without the weight of letting someone down hinder the full expansion of my lungs.