Um What

The moment I begin to think things are finally beginning to fall into place my heart begins to soften, my mind wanders, and I hum a little more. Then POW BANG BOOM back to square one. Eric told me, "expect nothing". How do I do that? I mean it makes sense, if I expect nothing then I can't be disappointed. Yet if I expect nothing then how do I feel anything. I don't expect anyone to do anything for me other than be interested. I want someone to do with me like I want to do with them, which is to take me by the hand and show me everything. Invite me wholeheartedly into their life. Have the walls down. That's how I want to be treated because that's how I would them them. I have so much I want to do for someone, so much I want to say. So much to show them and so much to feed them. I don't need to be attached at the hip, but to just live life together yet have our own lives. I'm not stopping living because I don't have that special someone; because right now I'm my own special someone. There are times I just want someone their. Luckily, I have my dear friends. They like me dragging them all over Southern California.
I just thought it was done, the searching I mean. It's so frustrating. What upsets me so much is that fact that I have the capability of hurting people. This is something I would never do on purpose. It saddens me to think that I do.
I'm feeling so much right now which is why this blog is a jumbled mess. Not really a rhyme or rhythm. Doesn't help that I'm exhausted. I think I'll go to sleep now. I have a busy day which will start bright and early.
Sorry the entertainment factor isn't in this blog today. I guess it's mainly for my benefit.