The Crankies

I just can't shake'em; the crankies that is. Am I creating them or is something else. Am I reacting or causing a reaction?

Have you ever had a time in your life when you try to figure out what is real and what isn't. What you've fabricated in your mind vs. what exists? Have you ever put so much thought into it that you begin to drive yourself a little nutty? You haven't...well me neither. But I'm sure if either of us had ever done that it would be maddening. I find it to be a little laughable because I know in a few days I will shake my head at myself and say, "Shan what a waste of effort and time you put into something (the obsessing) so trivial that could have been spent on something better like cleaning, studying, baking, or signing." I guess that's what I'd say if I'd ever experienced obsessing before!

Looking over my blogs I see something common throughout and maybe I dwell on it too much. If you've read them you know; it's love and security. Aren't those qualities one must possess internally before they can completely be appreciated from an external source? I say yes and no. "How can she be such a fence-sitter", you might be asking yourself. Well here's my answer. Absolutely you have to love yourself; be comfortable with yourself , your imperfections as well as you charms; you have to be secure with your abilities, appearance, knowledge or lack thereof; you have to be able to laugh at yourself, goodness knows others will laugh too. The love and security received from an outside source whether it be a boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, or partner enhances what you already acknowledge as truth about yourself. Experiencing the love and security from another is the most precious gift given and unmatched once received. You learn about life from a different perspective, you gain knowledge from anothers experiences, you learn patience and understand for another way of life. This appears to me similar to the chicken or the egg question: What came first the chicken or the egg.

Now I am less cranky and more sleepy. By blogging I remind myself of my beliefs; what I feel about the world around me; who I allow in that world; and how I respond to them. Also I harness my internal power to deal with fear. Oh yes I have fear, often I am confronted by the monster lurking in the closet. The face of my fear resembles heartache, rejection, ignorance, and complacency. These are horrible toxins that once released into my system destroys all that good and descent. That is a blog for another night. Tonight I've worked though the crankies; harnessed my light; and will change into my pajama's and head off to dreamland.

Yes this is silly but I have a song in my head and I'd like to blog-sing it for you:

Good night my someone, good night my love
Sleep tight my someone, sleep tight my love.
A star is shining it's bright as light,
so good night my someone good night.

True love may be whispered from heart to heart
when lovers are parted they say.
But I must depend on a wish and a star
as long as my heart doesn't know who you are

Sweet dreams be yours dear,
if dreams they'll be.
Sweet dreams to carry you close to me.
I wish I may and I wish I might,
so good night my someone good night.