Daydreams

I love to daydream. I've done it since I was a little girl. Waking up early before anyone else was up. Laying in bed, staring at the ceiling running stories through my head. I remember doing this since the Groton house, which means I was little. I do it even now. The day dreams of course are much more fun and exciting now, but I want to make them a reality. I decided I need to stop daydreaming and live.
Here's how this thought began; this morning I was awake before anyone else, laying in bed staring at the ceiling running stories through my head and I realized I need to get my butt out of bed and do what I keep thinking about. I want to have stories to tell my kids (all four of them!). I want to be who I am...uncensored. There are truths that I know about myself regardless of what others hint at. I am thoughtful, smart, outgoing, and interesting; therefore, I need to live as such.
Here's what I know. If you love me you'll keep up or let me run. Always know I'll come back if you let me breath and appreciate who I am. I will do the same for you because you have daydreams that you need to fulfill as well, and fulfilling them makes you who you are. Fulfilling the dreams will make us more fulfilled as people hence fulfilling each others life as well. I never want to be a dream squashier or piss on your pony (as I like to say). Therefore, love me for who I am and I will extend the same courtesy.
So this weekend I lived, I didn't daydream about it (well maybe about the Pier) but I lived it. I feel great, it's an amazing high to just do. To go out and do, to live. I want more.
I know one of my hang ups about doing and living is doing and living by myself. I know some people think that is bad that I can't be by myself. What is a short sighted thought on their part. I am the middle child in a family of four children; when have I ever been alone. From birth I've had the pleasure of experiencing things with someone, sharing with someone. I like to share. I feel like I'm missing out if I can't share. I come from a long line of sharers. My parents loved to teach by doing. We would go, see, and do; very hands on. That is how I am, that's how I like to be, that's how I want to be with my family, that's how I want to be with my friends.
In my early childhood I was very quiet because of my studder and my very outgoing sister. In my teens I was learning my voice and getting my life legs (life legs are the same theory as sea legs except referring to life...got it?), in my 20's I was married and lived for us and our future children. Now in my 30's unmarried, fully acclimated with my life legs, and comfortable with my occasional stammer I am ready to run and play. If I want to go to school, hell that's where I'm going. If I want to make a new friend and he happens to be tall, dark and handsome (wink) then tada he's in my life. If I want to jump out of an airplane, you best be believing I'll be wearing one of grandma's Depends! The world is my oyster.
Like I said earlier there is always room for love. Always room to share my experiences with someone. Always room for them to share theirs with me. But how can I be who I've always dreamed I could be if I don't get out and be me?
Let me tell you a story of a daydream that might have killed something special. I was married once. We were trying to start a family. We bought a house that was the perfect family house. It had enough room, a good yard, in a good school district. It had 4 bedrooms; one of which I didn't do anything with. I kept the door closed because that was going to be the nursery. I closed off part of myself especially for that when what I should have been doing is living. I should have opened the door and decorated! I should have filled the room with love and color, but instead I closed it off, shut it down and dwelled on what wasn't there. What a pity! You see, I'm not going to do that again. I will not shut the door because I don't have something, I will embrace what I do have which is my health, my friends, my youth, my hopes, and my dreams. I will live and decorate my heart with color and love. When the time is right my love and color will enhance someones world and theirs will do the same for mine, until then I will enhance my own.
I will never stop daydreaming I know I will do it even when I'm 90 years old sitting in my recliner staring out the window. Daydreaming is what inspires us, but living is what keeps us going.