Reminder

Thank you Izzy for having dinner with me tonight!!

Tonight grandma, Izzy, and myself had pizza. Grandma was so happy with the cheese pizza. Finally we scored with the food she ate!

Through this blog I am making myself accountable for my feeling and reactions. I am cleaning up after dinner and I am having an overwhelming sense of sadness. My heart physically hurts; it feels like someone is beating my invisible twin. Nothing is out of the ordinary in my world; grandma is fine, my friends are awesome yet I can't shake this feeling. I am reminding myself that I am blessed and not to look at what I don't have but to acknowledge what I do have. Though I don't know if the haves and have nots of my life is what's bothering me. This can't be a girl moment. The feeling that I'm having right now makes me want to burrow my head into someones chest and be held in strong arms. I want to be lost in security and be reassured that all is well in my world. Sadly, I'm looking around and it's just me; me and a dish rag.

I guess this moment is a double reminder; the first is a reminder that I miss sharing moments, dinners, laughs, hugs, dish duty, tv watching, couch snuggling, and bedtime. The second is a reminder that I just had dinner with one of my best friends Izzy and the little love of my life my grandma, we shared laughs, hugs, and later I will watch Survivor with grandma and bring the evening to a close when I tuck her in bed with a kiss on the forehead.

So maybe this is a have/have not blog. I have more than many people have and recognize that the have not portions will one day be filled in but not yet. Not until my life is completely ready to accommodate it. Bummer!